I have to escape. I have to get back to my family. My family! The one I built. The family I decided would be the exact opposite of everyone I hated growing up and be everything like the people I admired.
But how can I possible leave this place? I have tried so many times, oh so many times and I have failed miserably each and every time. Mistakes followed by more mistakes. What’s that stupid motivational quote people say to make themselves feel better about failing? A mistake is not a mistake if you learn something from it, it becomes a lesson. Ugh, that is stupid, I need something smart.
As I lay down, waiting for my turn to use the bathroom after Domino cleanses from being pleased, all I can think about is HOW.
Jessie is so annoyingly right. She always knows exactly what I do. Her bragging about it makes me want to kill her more than I already do.
Domino had me surveilled for goodness knows how long before he took me. Like a lightning bolt jolting through me, I remember when I first met Jessie. She said that they got my information from the FBI. If that is true, then they probably do know me better than I do. I won’t not be able to trick them, they have the advantage. If Domino has connections in the FBI, how on earth would I even get home safely. If by some power, that I do not possess, I manage to escape this hut, this village, this hilltop, this mountain, how will I get home? I don’t know where I am. I have no idea what languages are spoken outside this burdening circle.
This is the first time since I arrived that am actually thinking about how I would escape rather than just making a break for it, maybe that is the key. Maybe…
What if I am not me? I know that sounds preposterous but, stay with me, what if it were true? If I were not me, then the information Jessie has from the FBI is not be reliable.
Could the secret to my escape be in me becoming something else? An entirely new way of thinking? Is that truly possible? How will I go about doing this?
Am I actually going to do this? If I fail, oh Domino will have his way with me and I won’t want to be alive to feel it. Oh, that darn feeling of hope that I just can’t shake. What if I plan it well enough and I do escape? What if I do it so slowly so that no one notices anything? What if I think of everything to do, then do the exact opposite so that their knowledge of my predictable behavior is wrong? Can I do this?
What if I do escape? Joey, oh my little Joey. Is being away from him for this amount of time my motivation? Does he still remember me? Children adapt so quickly to change.
If I am going to do this, it’ll take time. I need to be smarter than them and they are so very smart. They also have every advantage at their fingertips. Still, not doing anything will lead me nowhere. At least if I make this plan, I will have something at the end of the same duration of time. As I hear One and Two snore in the room beside mine, I decide. I am escaping, and this time, I am doing it the right way. I have to be clever, wait a minute. Wait a darn minute. I am clever. That’s why the gross Domino liked me to begin with. It may not look like it, but I have a sturdy noggin’ up here.
Everything that I have learned to keep Domino from noticing how I feel during our sessions can now be used to hide my plan for escape. Skills are a two way street. I have the ability to think about something and not show a single reaction. I can hide my plans for escape just as I hide everything else from Jessie and Domino.
The first thing I need is what they have and I don’t; knowledge. I need to learn more about everything but in a way that doesn’t look suspicious or obvious. I know how to do this. One and Two are my way. During my weekly walks, I’ll get them to talk and build my plan from there. Yeah, I can do this.